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Archive for March, 2006

Lightbulb Moment

March 29th, 2006 at 03:03 pm

Some people refer to a lightbulb moment as a moment in time when the fictional lightbulb in their mind illuminated. That moment when *bang* an idea hits you and starts you thinking. I am not using the phrase 'lightbulb moment' as a metaphor. I am literaly refering to the moment at which I turned off a few lightbulbs. Get it?

In both of my bathrooms, I have light fixtures that use those really big super bright like the sun bulbs. The guest bathroom has 4 and the master bath 6. These are 60 watts each, making the master bath light the third highest consuming device in my house behind the refrigerator and the air conditioner. My light bulb moment came a few months after one of those 6 miniature stars faded out.

I had not replaced the black hole (a dead star is a black hole, have to point out that reference.) and the bathroom was none the dimmer without it. I walked into the bathroom, with the lights out for a while to ensure those microscale suns were not full on flaming hot, and unscrewed another of the bulbs a bit to take it out of the loop of electric power, so to speak. After turning on the switch, I loosened another and the bathroom is still bright. With half of the bulbs not on, I am using half of the power thereby saving money every month. I may try one more bulb as well as loosening 1 or 2 from the guest bathroom as well. I shall have to cehck for savings on the monthly electric bill to determine the 'value' of my lightbulb moment.

Respect

March 28th, 2006 at 04:30 pm

I see kids walking down the street four feet away from the sidewalk and I wonder why their parents never taught them respect. Respect for the fact that my car is a lot heavier then they are and can hurt them pretty bad if I hit them. Respect for the fact that I should not have to wait for them to get out of the way, they should be on the sidewalk! Respect for the fact that my Mother or Father would have given me a lecture all night long if they ever saw me walking down the street.

You wonder why society is going downhill, start with the kids, and in particular the lack of involvement in the kids' lives by their parents. The way the kids glare at you as you drive by, like you owe them more space and your car should not be getting that close to them, disgusts me. When I was a teenager, I was happy, I did not scowl at every car that drove by. My parents talked to me, they also , get ready for this archaic word, *read* to me as a child. I did not sit in front of a television all day, and what I did watch had actors, humans that were like me, Morgan Freidman on the Electric Company teaching me.
Today kids watch teletubbies and boobas or whatever other alien freak contraption that makes stupid irritating noises and numbs the minds of society. I do not want my toddlers making irritating sounds, why do I want their TV shows to teach them to?

What good comes out of watching a show with no words?? I think the Wiggles are completely and utterly worthless, but at least a kid watching them can see humans being stupid and not things that do not exist in this nor any other world. Maybe if the boobahs walked in the street and got run over and maimed by some freaky looking alien vehicle it could at least teach the kids, 'whoa stay off the road...boobah. *insert giggling baby faced sun here*'

They go from mind draining children's shows to violence and absurdity in their youth while mixing in a lot of MTV which glorifies said violence and gangs, drugs, the life that we do not want our kids to grow up to have. Without a parent or grandparent, I add this because of my grandfather, to verbally challenge the images in the minds of our youth, they all grow up wanting to be Puff Daddy, err Puffy Puff, errr Pimp Dilli, err you know who I mean. Nothing against Sean Combs, but his lifestyle is not for everyone.

To elaborate on the Grandfather reference. I recall watching a video on MTV when I was but a wee lad, and I stared in amazement, jaw open codfish style to quote Mary Poppins, and audibly said 'wow' while watching whatever band it was jamming on their guitars while zooming down the highway in a convertible, and disobeying all laws in the process. My Grandfather saw my expression and quickly said, 'if they drove like that in real life they would all be dead and then what would you watch on TV? Who would you listen to on your walkman if all of your favorite musicians and bands went around breaking the laws and were all either dead or in jail?'

I answered 'Johnny Cash' because my Grand Father liked Johnny and because I was a smarta$$. His point sunk in. It was cool to watch the video, but to actually drive like that or emulate the fantasy on the TV as if it were reality would not be so cool. Perhaps this is why I have respect, and the youth of today, without the aid of their parents or grandparents, do not.

Hamburgers

March 24th, 2006 at 03:16 pm

Went to a Hamburger joint to get Hamburgers as a treat for the kids - and myself. First of all, why is it so hard to get my order right. I even went inside this time. I want one Cheeseburger just pickles. They have to say ok that is one cheeseburger with no ketchup, no mustard, no onions. How do I know what the thing comes with, all I know is that my 2 year old little princess wants beef, cheese and pickles only. Give me that so I can be a hero in her eyes please.

Next comes my son, he is easy. Cheeseburger, that is all I need to say. Whatever it comes with he will eat. I used to get the Thickburger but you are paying extra for better onions, mayo(which is not healthy for him), lettuce and tomato, which he takes off the tomato and the lettuce becomes slippery once the ketchup and mustard gets on it. Rather than have his burger sliding off the bun I prefer no lettuce. The lady still has to repeat back to me 1/3 pound cheeseburger with everything on it. This makes me wonder, why she just says everything on this one but can not just say pickles only on the other one.

Then the wife, she wants bacon and cheese only. So I say I need another 1/3 pound cheeseburger, plain. Add bacon. This threw the cashier off course. She actually asks, 'just plain with bacon? Do you want cheese?' I said cheeseburger, thus implying the request for the fake processed yellow stuff that you call cheese in this establishment. I refrain from using big words like fake or cheese and just answer, 'Cheese and bacon.' Her response astounds me. 'No meat?' Since I am inside, I can not see the Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck shaped clouds in the sky of my previously joyful day, but I know they are LOL or ROFL or whatever you want to say.

I answer directly this time, 'It wouldn't be a burger without the meat. CHEESEBURGER (said slow and well enunciated) with just bacon.' She still seemed confused so I noted that I was not paying until she repeated this, what I thought to be simple, order back to me. She started to tell how how much I owed her, but I interupted, 'now for me I am easy to get along with, I just want a six dollar burger.' Then I think, why not take advantage of the situation and confuse this girl a bit more, so i ask. 'Oh wait Six bucks for a burger, hmmmm maybe I don't have enough.' This brought out exactly the response that I wanted from her as she replied, 'Oh the six dollar burger only costs $3.85'

'Wow that is like a one-third off sale on a one-half pound burger. I bet the name six dollar burger scares off a few customers though as they may think that it realy costs six dollars.' She is confused even more, but I do not stop there. 'Why not call the thickburgers the four and a half dollar burger, then I feel like I am getting a good deal when I find out they are less than $3' She ignored this and read back the order, correctly, and the price. I also got 2 large curly fries.

Twenty bucks once I added that cookies -n-cream milkshake because I am not just trying to be a great father, but a great husband as well. Twnety bucks, now those are some good burgers and all but twenty bucks buy a lot of ramen noodles, peanut butter and bread. Imagine if I had gotten the combo meals for the sugary drinks to make my kids, and myself, hyper. I don't want kid's meals or toys that are only 99 cents with any purchase. I don't want to add the local college team's basketball hat for only $4.99. I certainly do not want an apple turnover with its molten contents sure to do permanent damage to my tastebuds for 89 cents. All I want is maybe to be able to get a nice meal for my family once in a while without having to say goodbye to Andrew Jackson in the process.

Not always a catch ...take 2

March 24th, 2006 at 02:23 am

I have an Ing account as many readers of this forum do. If you do not , why don't you...it is a savings account..you want or have a savings account right? You deposit $250 or more and if *cough* someone *cough* invites you, you get an extra $25 and I, err, the person who refers you gets $10. Then you can refer someone else and get your own $10. The interest is better than any standard, or as they say in the business, brick and mortar bank.

So I mention all of these benefits to my Mother...her response of course was 'What's the catch?' Why does everything have to have a catch?

I explain that they don't have banks on every corner for you to drive by and think 'oh yeah I need a savings account,' so they pay account holders, like myself, to say 'Hey, you need a savings account' for them.

She still hasn't asked for a referral.

Savings challenge

March 22nd, 2006 at 06:28 pm

I took books back to the library, and did not pay a late charge. There were 14 books at a dime a day for seven days means if I forgot and had to wait until next week to take them back, I would have to pay $9.80. This means I saved $9.80 today by not forgetting the library books, when I drove past the library.

Come to think of it, I did not get a ticket for going through the stop sign because I came to a complete stop. This saved me another $142.50. Then I drove by McDonald's, and even though I was hungry, I did not stop. This saved me another $5.75. I also went straight home after the library and did not drive all the way to BJs to buy milk. Everyone knows you can't go to BJs without spending >$50 so that comes to $207.05.

Then there is the gas I would have used going past my house to get to BJs, which would have been $2.76 and I would have then had to stop to buy gas, meaning another $8 for that super duper car wash because I would have pressed the Y button by mistake. So all total I saved $217.81 today. Not bad.

Gas pumping rant part 2

March 16th, 2006 at 03:57 pm

I pull up to the pump the other day. I can hear those birds chirping the happy sound. I can see the Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck shaped clouds. I am smiling. I am having a great day so far, and pumping gas can not take that away from me can it?

I am standing there after swiping my card through the reader and notice that even though it is sunny, it is chilly and I am not wearing a jacket. The cool wind is blowing my hair all up in my face, but I do not mind, as I am having a great day. The card reader beeps the pump says I can choose my grade and begin fueling, which I do. The digital display shows that the gas is pumping at about the same rate that I could fill my tank if I were using a teaspoon to pour gas into my tank.

The money side of the reader, well with the prices these days, that is still counting up pretty quickly, but not the gallons. I look again, through the strands of hair across my face and I swear that every once in a while the numbers are counting backwards! Now the cold wind is annoying. It has been three minutes and I have successfully added one gallon of liquid refreshment to my thirsty vehicle.

Another two minutes goes by and the wind picks up. Dust is now blowing around the station and thanks to my hair, I am the only person not shielding their eyes. The wind is blowing so much that the Mickey Mouse cloud waves sadly as he is pushed out of sight. On second glance, he is not waving, that is only one of his fingers that he is shaking at me. The nerve of that mouse. I am getting strange looks from the other patrons as I give the one finger salute back to the sky.

The entire process of adding twelve gallons of fuel takes ten minutes and you know I had to laugh when the pay at the pump computer asked if I wanted to get my car washed. By the time I get back on the road, it is now rush hour traffic.(which lasts two and a half hours but is still called rush hour)So it takes my twenty-five minutes longer to get home just to stop and get gas, and I am freezing to death in the process.

Bottles vs. Breast milk...no contest.

March 16th, 2006 at 03:22 pm

*disclaimer* As man I am not equipped with milk makers. This rant only poses my opinion, purely from a cost perspective.

I am not going to look up the actual costs because I have no idea how much a container of formula powder lasts!

Let us analyze the costs of nursing vs. bottles. My Brother's wife bottle fed, My wife nurses. My wife's breasts are not only visually appealing, but God gave them to her for free! The bottles, while you may get a bunch of them as shower gifts, you will undoubtedly not like them and have to buy a different more expensive brand and more nipples. The SIL had to have the bottles that are angled and with a grippy surface so the infant can hold the bottle by itself. My wife's nipples wipe clean in the shower, the bottle nipples must be boiled. Boiling my wife's *censored* is not a good idea.

While boiling those bottles and nipples, there will come a time when you step away, probably to tend to the baby, and when you return you will smell burning rubber and notice that the water is all gone. This scientific experiment in evaporation, will cost you the price of a few nipples, a bottle or two, and maybe a new pot. My brother had to get the new pot. My wife has yet to have to replace either of her *censored*. Minor cost added to the brother's total for electricity for his stove and very little cost for the water. My wife was going to take that shower anyway, so no cost for me.

Then they have to buy the formula, my wife makes hers all day long (comment from wife: All night long too!) They have to add water, ok my wife drinks water too so we will not count this against them. I will however note that drinking this water keeps my wife healthy, and putting the water in the bottle does nothing for my SIL. This formula is expensive and they always seemed to run out meaning my brother had to spend gas money in the middle of the night to get more. If I wake up in the middle of the night I get my baby, hand him or her to the wife and hold the flashlight while she attaches our baby to her *censored*, then I go back to sleep.

Go out to the mall, my wife will never forget her breasts, nor will they ever need to be thrown out because the milk was left in them too long and you are afraid that even boiling them (again the bottles not the breasts) will not make them reusable. Her *censored* may leak, and her shirt will get cleaned when she washes it anyway, if the bottle leaks, it may ruin everything else in the pack, like my peanut butter sandwich, or worse the older kid's snacks.

Once the infant is older they will, and I guarantee this, use the bottle as a means of distributing the formula to the floor. This will inspire them to make a Picasso-like image on the carpet that will need to be deep cleaned if it is not noticed right away and blotted up. The odds of my wife painting like Picasso with her *censored*- not likely at best.

I will never find one of my wife's *censored* with old milk in it lying under the bed or behind the bookcase, ever. The child will never have to be scolded for throwing one of her *censored* and knocking something valuable over.

My wife feels a special bond with the child while she is the sole source of life. My SIL puts the baby down with a pillow on its belly to help prop up the bottle and reads a magazine on the couch next to the cute little guy or girl. Not much bonding there.

And last but not least, once the child is off the bottle, which may take a while as they are used to carrying it around with them, the bottles go back to taking up space until they are needed again. My wife's *censored*, well I get them back!


The post has been censored at the wife's request - twice. How do I feel about this? I am *censored* and *censored, censored* that the *censored* word *censored* can not be used in this *censored* blog!! Oh yeah *censored*

Parking Space is paying for itself

March 13th, 2006 at 01:36 pm

Wow, In addition to all of the other great benefits that I mentioned about parking in the farthest space from the building, I found another one. Saturday when I left work, it was very windy. Leaves were blowing all around and I had to kind of look down to keep the dirt out of my eyes. Looking down was to my good fortune as I found a $1 bill wedged in the pine needles that they put around all of the trees on the islands in the ashphalt sea. No doubt someone in a closer space had it fall out of their pocket and the wind took it all the way across the lot, where my car sits all alone. Had I not parked all the way out there, that dollar would have been claimed by the landscaping team the next time they fluff up the pine needles.

Now can I claim that Dollar as savings due to the fact that I use that parking space to save gas?

Yes I do need ketchup with that and get my order right please

March 10th, 2006 at 09:27 pm

You are hungry, in a hurry, and for the sake of this story you have a mail-in rebate that will pay you back every penny that you spend at Burgers-backwards R-Us.

You pull up in the drive through, the window is already open because the weather is beautiful. It takes you a second or two but you can find those Mickey and Donald shaped clouds up there in the blue sky. The cars in front of you pull in, talk to the big burger, and drive on. The line is moving so fast that you had not noticed the chorus line of robins that are once again whistling that happy tune. You get to the big burger and...

'wbelejdcome dotro toto fcof tjgf j order?'

'Excuse me?' You politely ask for a repeat even though you know what they said, because you want them to know that you can not hear them to alleviate future discrepencies, just in case.

'WELCOME TO BURGERS ARE US MAY I TAKE YOU ORDER!!' This is so loud that the robins fly away and land on the roof all the way on the other side of the drive through line. There is now a ringing in your ears that may never go away. You shake off the stunning affects of the sonic waves and proceed to place your order.

'I would like a number two combo please.' The sun shines on and aside from missing the birds chirping you can almost taste that double bacon cheeseburger with extra everything and life of course is good.

'YOU WANT THAT BIG ASS SIZED???' He called out in a deep voice that echoes throughout the passenger compartment of your vehicle.

'Sure thing and thank you for asking.' You reply nicely to get him to stop thinking that you are annoying him.

'ANYTHING ELSE!' the attendant obviously thinks you are deaf since you could not hear him at first and will most likely continue to scream as long as he talks to you. YOu have no problem hearing him now, nor is there any issues in hearing him chewing his gum, open-mouthed.

'No that will-' You notice on the convenient display that the price for your combo which should be $4.98 shows as $5.59. Then you trace its origin to the fact that it says number 1 combo instead of number 2. 'Umm I wanted a number 2 combo please.'

'SO YOU SAY NO THAT IS ALL, BUT THEN YOU WANT TO ADD A NUMBER 2?!?' He is obviously being overworked and underpaid and taking it out on you. The sun slowly fades behind that fanged Mickey cloud. Donald is gone, probably chased from the sky by the ominous storm clouds shaped like the Beagle Boys.

'I do not wish to add a number 2, I wanted to point out that I ordered a number 2 combo and not a number 1...please...if it is not too much trouble.' That last comment was to put a spit shield over your burger and Whirly- curly fries.

*SIGH* That sigh nearly pops the speaker but it does not end there. 'SO YOU WANT TO CHANGE YOU ORDER TO A NUMBER 2?'

You do not get into an arguement and agree. This should make things better, right?

'WHAT KIND OF DRESSING ON YOUR SALAD?'

'Ummm salad, a number 2 is the double bacon cheeseburger.' You hope you are correct and confirm this on the handy oversized menu that hangs next to the giant screaming burger of doom.

'SORRY ABOUT THAT I THOUGHT YOU SAID NUMBER 4.' A quick scan of the sign shows a 4 to be chicken shaped nuggets of mystery meat and still no salad but you do not want to digress, so you remain quiet. 'YOU WANT EVERYTHING ON THAT?'

'Yes please.' rain drops begin falling on the hood and windshield of your car.

'SEVENTEEN EIGHTY-FOUR PLEASE PULL AROUND TO THE FIRST WINDOW!!' This is not right obviously you you interupt.

'I thought a number 2 was Four Ninety-eight, unless they increased the tax rate that much.' Your humor and quick wit are wasted, probably because he doesn't get the joke. He has charged you for The number 1 2 and 4 meals. The 1 and 2 disappear leaving only the chicken nuggets, which somehow are one of the few things on Earth which do not taste like chicken.

'SORRY ABOUT THAT, SIX BUCKS EVEN PLEASE PULL AROUND!!'

'The screen still shows number 4?' You inquire knowing that they are looking for the grease-soaked fries left over from this morning to put in your bag.

'YEAH I WOULD NEED A MANAGER TO OVERRIDE THE DISPLAY BUT I GOT YOUR ORDER AS A NUMBER 2 WITH EVERYTHING ON IT. WOULD YOU LIKE KETCHUP WITH THAT?'

'yes please.' You say just knowing that you are going to have to go inside and talk to the manager. You drive around the side of the building hand the smiling man the $6 and pull up to the second window. The birds do their business on your roof while squawking that annoying song by the wiggles, and the man slams a beat up bag of squashed fries and a mystery product that is not wrapped in the double bacon cheeseburger paper. Then a loud crack of thunder booms and a monsoon-like rain starts. It is blowing sideways and if you get out of your car to go inside to speak to the manager you will be soaked from head to toe.

'Have a nice day.' Mr. Smiley says softly.



Something to think about.

March 10th, 2006 at 02:51 pm

If I told you that you won the Mega Power Great States lottery and your prize would either be $1 million or I could give you a penny on the first of the month, 2 pennies on the second, 4 on the third and double it every day for the rest of the month, which would you take?
Date DailyDollars Total Dollars
1 0.01 0.01
2 0.02 0.03
3 0.04 0.07
4 0.08 0.15
5 0.16 0.31
6 0.32 0.63
7 0.64 1.27
8 1.28 2.55
9 2.56 5.11
10 5.12 10.23
11 10.24 20.47
12 20.48 40.95
13 40.96 81.91
14 81.92 163.83
15 163.84 327.67
16 327.68 655.35
17 655.36 1310.71
18 1310.72 2621.43
19 2621.44 5242.87
20 5242.88 10485.75
21 10485.76 20971.51
22 20971.52 41943.03
23 41943.04 83886.07
24 83886.08 167772.15
25 167772.16 335544.31
26 335544.32 671088.63
27 671088.64 1342177.27
28 1342177.28 2684354.55

That is more than $2.68 million in February and that would double 2 times in the months with 30 days to over $10.72 million and again to over $21.44 million in months with 31 days. Those pennies add up fast when increasing exponentially!!

Patent abuse

March 10th, 2006 at 02:07 pm

I read an article where a boy had patented a

Text is certain way to swing on a playground swing. and Link is http://www.newscientist.com/article.ns?id=dn2178
certain way to swing on a playground swing. and I got thinking. If I patent something rather mundane I could get rich suing everyone for infringing on my patent. For instance, I want to get a patent on a certain way to knock on a door. Like this 'Knock Knock Knock' Now anytime I see a movie where they knock like that I will sue the director, the editor, the actor/actress knocking in my patented way, the actor/actress opening the door for not seeing the infringement and warning the knocker, and the film companies responsible for producing and distributing the film.

Then there is the greeting on the teelphone, not everyone greets the caller the same way and I think I have a right to get a patent on the simple yet heartfelt greeting 'hello' when answering my phone. Then, not only can I watch for my patented greeting in movies, but I can make hundreds of calls each day from my lawyers office to celebrities and other wealthy people, filing a grevience on any and all who answer with my special welcoming hello.

Then I can patent a way of walking with my feet shoulder width apart, and a pattern of breathing where I go in then out.

Idea for Dasani

March 10th, 2006 at 01:13 pm

I think they should color the water...They could flavor it but that has been done.

Instead of cherry coke and vanilla coke and coke twist, they could have Bright Blue Dasani, Pretty Pink Dasani, Ohhhh Orange Dasani, Petal Purple Dasani, Hello Yellow Dasani, and Really Red Dasani. Still tastes the same still has 0% everything on the back still just water, but now in colors to show off your mood, or individuality. 'Why drink clear water like everyone else in your office, when you can show them you feel pretty today with your pretty pink Dasani on your desk!' 'Let the boss know that you stand out from the team when he sees your Really Red Dasani on the boardroom table.'

Yeah then take it a step further and let the color be like the color in Kool-aid so that your tongue and teeth would be Birhgt Blue for the rest of the day. That way not only the people lucky enough to see the cool bottle of blue water on your desk, but anyone who sees your smile, would know that you are not drinking Evian (naive backwards) or fountain water.

Gas price difference across the street

March 10th, 2006 at 12:51 pm

I am sitting at a traffic light, and I notice competing gas station on either side of the street. This is not so uncommon,but the differences in prices was. The station on the left was charging $2.21 for low grade, $2.31 for mid grade and the expected $2.41 for Super Duper V power techron octane up the wazoo grade.

The other station is $2.16 for low grade, that is a whole nickel cheaper just for crossing the street. I would sit there, blocking traffic with my left indicator blinking to cross a not so busy street to save a nickel per gallon. Then I read on this station is not going the dime per grade level increase, they are only charging $2.21 for mid grade. Wow that means I can either save a nickel or get 2 higher octane for the same price at the Eastern station. The good stuff was only 7 cents higher at $2.28.

If I were the type to spoil my car with the good stuff, I think I'd buy that dasani first, I would be saving 13 cents per gallon at that station. The best part of the story is that a half mile up the road I can turn right and go one block and get the 87 octane for $2.11, so I wouldn't be stopping at either of these stations but I never saw that much difference in price at two gas stations across from each other before.